sometimes in life, you can never expect what good or bad things would come. afraid everyone should be. i know i am. i was so afraid today. my heart was beating so fast. i think it even missed a beat or two. i just dont know what would actually happen to me. im afraid of every single thing. i just cant take what is coming at me right now. everything may be moving slow, but i assume it will go faster soon. i dont want to make the same mistakes twice. but the problem is, i dont know what those mistakes are.

i cant seem to find a safe house for me to go to when im this down. unfortunately for me, sy took the car to watch a movie with sarah and mode. if the car was here, i would have gone to the bar. i dont think i can take it anymore. im becoming an alcoholic.

all the little things in life. all the little sweets in life. all the bitter things in life. all i have tasted. all i have felt. all i have fell into its trap. i dont want to play any silly games anymore. i just want to be loved the normal way. the way everyone else is. how she and he will tell each other little sweet things into each others ears. sigh. im so depressed right now. i feel like nothing helps anymore. one bad breakup and im screwed for life. thats how i see myself. thats how everyone else sees me. what a failure. what a loser. what a hopeless case.

rick.